I made feet

Carl: Oh these look good. Me [grins]: Mini tiramisu parfaits. You’re welcome. 10-year-old: Can I have one? Me: You can have two if you want. Toddler: Mine! Carl [takes] huge bite]: Oh… Me: Good, right? 10-year-old: You know what? I forgot...

Digging

I told the toddler to stop picking your nose and under my breath because those moms over there are staring at us. Again! Actually, I didn’t care who the fuck was looking at us, but the toddler seems a little self-conscious...

Flirting

Me: {whispers to Carl] Did you just see that guy smile at me lasciviously? Carl: [in a booming voice] Who? That guy over there? Chicken Nug? Me: Keep it down there. What? Carl: Chicken Nug – that’s what he looks like....