Flirting

Me: {whispers to Carl] Did you just see that guy smile at me lasciviously?

Carl: [in a booming voice] Who? That guy over there? Chicken Nug?

Me: Keep it down there. What?

Carl: Chicken Nug – that’s what he looks like. He looks like a big chicken nugget.

Me: [looks at him strangely] You need help.

Carl: You’re the one winking at people.

Me: [rolls eyes] What are you talking about?

Carl: Your eye, Inspector Gadget. You keep winking.

Me: [slaps hand to eye] Shit! No, no, no. That’s not what I’m doing. I was putting sunscreen on my face and it got into my eye somehow. And now it stings like a mofo.

Carl: You’re not fit to be human. A slug, yes, but not human.

Me: Do you think I should go tell Chick Nug that?

Carl: That you’re really slug? Sure.

Me: Not the slug thing! The eye thing!

Carl: Oh. He won’t care.

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