My ineptitude continues to irk and surprise me

was on a conference call today. I zoned out for a second, quite possibly for a few seconds, because goddammit, I have a massive, Saturn-sized pimple in the middle of my forehead and it’s all I can wrap my brain around right now.

During said call, someone asked me a question and I had no idea what was being said so I blurted out something that made no sense (why no one laughed is beyond me), I started fake coughing which turned into real, give-me-a-bucket-for-my-phlegm-coughing and then there was uncomfortable silence for a minute.

This is how it’s done, folks.

As I’m trying to recover and save some face, the toddler came over to my desk and blurted out Mom! Me poop! Me poop! POOP!

I should’ve listened to my fucking horoscope…

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