Sometimes I should just stay at home and stop trying

Carl and I went out to dinner last night. Actually, it seemed like it was late afternoon since the sun was still out. When you have three kids under the age of 10, you only go out during, what seniors so lovingly refer to as, the twilight time.

As we approach the front door of the restaurant, Carl nods to the valet guy and says hi. I’m following close behind and say good morning. I realize my mistake as the words leave my mouth. The valet smiles and then laughs to himself. Hoping Carl hasn’t noticed, I push him gently towards the door.

Carl: Did you just say good morning to that guy?

Me: No. Let’s get inside. I have to pee.

Carl: [laughs] I thought you said you didn’t have anything to drink before we left?

Me: All I drank was water.

Carl: I suggest you only have water tonight.

Somewhere in the world, someone has my true brain, the one that actually works and doesn’t say stupid shit.

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