This one’s gonna be a motivational speaker

9-year-old: What are you doing?

Me: I’m trying to do some abdominal exercises.

9-year-old: Why? And what are abominable exercises?

Me: It’s abdominal – exercises for your abs. To build strong abs, to…

9-year-old: I don’t think your body can handle all this movement.

Me: Thanks a lot.

9-year-old: No, seriously, Mom. You should stop.

Me: Now what are you doing? Can’t you go somewhere else? You’re making me have performance anxiety here, man.

9-year-old: I’m sitting down.

Me: Why?

9-year-old: Well, someone needs to call the ambulance when you need medical assistance and by the looks of it, that may be very soon. Also, I’m really hungry. I’m hoping you’ll make me something to eat before you pass out.

Me: That’s so honest of you.

9-year-old: That’s what you get with me. I’m no holes fard all the time.

Me: That’s no holds barred.

9-year-old: That doesn’t even make any sense to me.

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